Monthly Archives: January 2012

Not Another Virginity Article

It is that time of year again; time for the RedEye to print its annual obligatory “virginity” story. 364 days out of the year the RedEye is happy to fill its pages with lingerie football, Playboy bunny updates and fucksaws; but once a year the RedEye swings its horny pendulum in the other directions to talk about the “trend” of abstinence.  This year’s holier-than-thou treat goes by the name of “Power Virgins” and features Tebow on the cover.

The story is the basically the same as last year’s “No Sex in the City” article, some people choose to wait until marriage to have sex mainly for religious reasons. Cool. That is a choice they are free to make and a choice many have been making for centuries. This is not news folks. This is not a trend. Just because Tebow wants to wave his V card around and pastors are writing “freaky” sex books , doesn’t make abstinence news worthy.

The more interesting topic is why the fuck do we care who has fucked or who has not? It is a question the article posed in the beginning of the story but then never really got into, choosing instead to skirt along the surface of a topic that is oh-so-sensitive still in the “hard news” community. To dive into this question would be to ask why do we care so very much if someone has put their penis in someone else or had a penis in them and then to dive further would to question whether or not the location of said penis is important (oral, anal, squished between two breasts) and then to dive further would be to question the pleasure derived from said penis not to mention wondering where all the scissoring lesbians fit into this whole mess.

Look I’m all for keeping whatever virginity you want as long as you want. I know I kept my V card longer than the good lord probably intended. But posing virginity as the only alternative to the Playboy lifestyle is just messed up. It makes the conversation of sex too simple to be useful. In the end it just continues the cycle of fuck, shame, confusion, fuck, shame, confusion that permeates through the majority of young adults. Instead of swinging their shame-laden pendulum back and forth, wouldn’t it be nice if the RedEye actually facilitated an actual conversation about sex beyond the bustier and chasity belt?


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Filed under Low Brow, Newspapers, Sex, WTF RedEye?

New Year, New Column

2011 is over and luckily so is my account. Although I “enjoyed” online dating or at least enjoyed that I survived, and I certainly learned quite a bit, I’m happy to announce I’m broadening my Gapers Block column to include general life funness in addition to my dating fun time. Check out my 2012 Chicago Bucket list!

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Filed under Femtastic Women

What I want in a boyfriend: not so different from when I was 13

I recently discovered this list hidden in one of my drawers. It is what 13-year-old Niki wanted in a boyfriend.


With the exception of my complete flip-flop on facial hair (and of course now preferencing men over 15 year old boys), this list has stayed pretty consistent.

I want (in very particular order) a man who is

1. Open hearted/courageous/confident,

2. Funny (sarcasm never hurts),

3. Independent,

4. a good story teller,

5. with a keen interest in the female orgasm (preferably my own),

6. who is nice to his mommy,

7. and preferably has a full head of hear and cute hipster glasses

Good to know some things stay consistent in life even if perfect boyfriend has yet to appear.

*Note that the “kids” requirment is that he likes kids, not that he has them. This was more obvious at 13.

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Filed under Feminist Rant